Home
by Clarissa Morrowind
Summary: A small poem from Alec's perspective, involves his and Magnus's relationship. Poem is followed by each verse of the poem with a correlating story part. Walks through the beginning to the break up to my imagination of aftwerwards.
1. Prologue

**Okay, now I had this poem hit me quite randomly today. It is from Alec's point of view entirely. Now I have a story (most likely a oneshot) idea to go with this poem, but the poem came first so here it is for all you to see. :) Hope it's not all that bad, I'm very hit and miss with poetry. Enjoy!**

_I don't want to fall asleep  
__Here I feel at home  
__Yes, with you I feel so wanted  
__But I'm so afraid now  
__Am I really something to you  
__So unsure about myself but  
__I don't want to fall asleep  
__Here I feel at home_

_Why did you have to wake me  
__I was almost home  
__No, I don't mean with mom and dad  
__I mean with my one  
__You see, I made a mistake  
__Now I can't hold him close  
__Why did you have to wake me  
__I was almost home_

_Please let me sleep now  
__I wanna go home  
__Yes, I want to make it back to him  
__I know I screwed it up  
Crossed one line too far  
__But I still love him so  
__Please let me sleep now  
__I wanna go home_

**Thanks if you read this :) Again, planning on writing a oneshot (or 3-4) using this as a basis ^^**


	2. Feels Like Home

**Okay, heads up I normally will not be updating this fast, this just came to me and I couldn't let it go until I finished it. Hope you enjoy :)**

_I don't want to fall asleep_

_Here I feel at home_

_Yes, with you I feel so wanted_

_But I am afraid now_

_Am I really something to you_

_So unsure about myself but_

_I don't want to fall asleep_

_Here I feel at home_

Alec sleepily watches the figure that lays in bed with him. The moonlight shining through the window leaves an ethereal glow on Magnus's tan skin. He observes with steadfast concentration Magnus's every unconscious move. From his chest rising and falling, his eyes fluttering every so often as he dreamt, to the way his arm drapes over his midsection while he feels the other wrapped around himself. Magnus was beautiful, but no, beautiful could not even begin to describe how he is to Alec. And that is what confused Alec so much. For since Magnus was well, Magnus, what could the 800 year old warlock see in him? He was far from beautiful, Jace is the beautiful one, not him. So why did Magnus always call him that?

Letting out a sigh he lays his head back upon Magnus's bare chest. To think, a few months ago he would never have thought this possible but, here he is. Alec starts to lightly trace random patterns along Magnus's side, lost in thought. _Here I am doubting so much but, I…I feel so safe. So secure. A feeling I have never had at 'home'. The more time I am spending with him the more I feel like this is home, and not the Institute._ He lets his eyes slid shut as he sighs before opening them up again. Laying there in Magnus's embrace he does not want to be anywhere else. He looks back up at his sleeping face and smiles. Magnus's face is so relaxed, so serene and make-up less. Alec does not want to fall asleep for he is the only one who ever sees the warlock with his defenses down, and he could simply watch him sleep for all eternity.

Eternity.

That one word holds enough power to let the fear creep back into Alec's blissful thoughts.

_How could he possibly want me? A closeted Shadowhunter. What am I to him, really? Do I mean anything to him or am I just another conquest in his long line of lovers? He is immortal, I am not; this could never work so why is he bothering with me?_

But then Alec's thoughts take a shift.

_What am I to him? Well what is he to me? I thought I loved Jace but I was wrong, he was my safe haven, my never could be. What I feel for Magnus is different than what I felt for Jace. I mean, I like Magnus. Yeah, but what is he to me? My boyfriend. Not like that Lightwood. He's in my thoughts all the time, knows what to say, he is here for me. I feel so safe, so wanted, so secure, I-_

During Alec's inner turmoil and debate he had tensed up. The change was enough to stir Magnus from his sleep, who tightened his arm around Alec in response-effectively cutting off Alec's inner debate.

"Mhmmnn, Alec? Why are you so tense darling?" Magnus sleepily questions before yawning. His one hand began stroking Alec's hair while the other traces the runes etched on his back.

At his ministrations Alec's body quickly relaxed into the familiar touch. Sighing, Alec snuggles more into Magnus which earns him a sleepy chuckle. He feels that warm feeling rush over him again.

"It's nothing." Alec mumbles into his chest.

"Well 'nothing' has you up at this ungodly hour of-" Magnus turns his head to find the clock, "-two am?! God Alexander, have you gotten any sleep?"

"…maybe a little…" Magnus lets out a sigh.

"I wasn't tired-" Alec yawns.

"Well, now you are so shush."

Magnus readjusts slightly as Alec turns his head to look up at him. Magnus smiles warmly at him before leaning down and giving him a soft kiss, erasing all thought from Alec's head. A soft smile remaining on his face as he pulls away, Magnus brushes a few strands of hair out of Alec's face. Alec leans into the touch closing his eyes and sighing. He then ducks his head back down and snuggles back into his warlock.

"Goodnight Alexander."

"Goodnight Magnus."

He feels Magnus place a kiss on his hair before his eyes slowly start to slide shut. Alec smiles contently. Yes, here he was safe, here he was secure, here he was wanted. He was not sure about much, but this he was sure of. Alec did not want to fall asleep.

Because lying here, in Magnus's embrace, sure felt like home.

**Thanks for reading :) I plan on 3 more parts to this piece, but I do not know when I will have them up. I had a spontaneous writing session at 12am and wouldn't let me rest until I finished it (which I wrote by hand first), typed it, and posted it.**


	3. Almost Home

**Well, here's the second part :) Amazingly this one is just coming to me as I go so I'm happy as all get out. And now I'm rambling. Hope you enjoy!**

_Why did you have to wake me_

_I was almost home_

_No, I don't mean with mom and dad_

_I mean with my one_

_You see, I made a mistake_

_Now I can't hold him close_

_Why did you have to wake me_

_I was almost home_

Alec walks down the familiar streets headed towards the place-and person-he loves most. A smile forms on his face as he sees the very familiar flat building, his hand rummaging in his pocket to pull out his key. He keeps on walking, key in hand as he is about to cross the street-

"Alec, come on wake up!"

Blue eyes reveal themselves as he sits up on the couch. Releasing a breath he did not realize he was holding, he averts his sister's eyes.

"Alec?"

Alec finally looks up at her a small sad smile showing on his face-a smile she has seen too much lately if you would ask her-before he turns his head to check the time.

"Alec, what's wrong? All I did was wake you up..." She lets out a sigh, "Either way we can talk later. Right now we have a call to answer. Activity has more than tripled since Sebastian-Jonathan-left those angel wings on the floor as a message. I know you like your alone time, especially after-"

Isabelle stops herself from finishing, an expression in her eyes Alec wishes he would never see again. The same experssion when he used to think he loved Jace. The pity. The look of 'I understand what you are going through, I am sorry that happened, etc.', and he hates it. Although, he can not find any will to be annoyed or angry at her. Not now.

She stands there, unsure of what to say-while her big brother was always a reserved one who did not like outside interaction, she never has seen him like this. Smiles are fake, and if one is real it is a sad smile. His eyes used to be such a brilliant blue and now they are dull and stormy. He just goes through the motions now, never putting himself into anything. His eyes are so shut off, so disconnected and distant. Alec starts to speak, and she snaps out of her thoughts, she can not remember the last time she actually heard his voice.

"Alright Izzy. I know why you woke me up. It's just..."

His eyes seem to be lost in some sort of thought or memory as a pained expression makes its way onto his face.

"It's just what Alec? You really have me lost here..."

Alec meets his sisters eyes again as he tries to find the words.

"It's just...I know why you woke me. But I still question why you had to wake me up.

"Alec? What do you mean? You're confusing me..."

"I just was almost home that's all. When I was sleeping. I was almost home."

"Almost home? Alec, you are home now, with us and mom and dad-"

"No Izzy, here has never really been a home to me."

"Then what do you-"

"With him. With Magnus. I know I was the one who messed up, did the wrong thing, made the mistake. I know that, and that's why I can't hold him anymore, wake up to him next to me, everything. He was my home, he stills feels like my home.

"Alec..."

"That's why I said why did you have to wake me up. I was right across the street, my key in my hand."

"Alec."

He looks back down, and runs his hand along the couch smoothing the wrinkles formed from him sitting on it. His eyes showing more emotion than Isabelle has seen in a long time. And she probably never will see them show this much emotion ever again. He looks as if he almost wants to cry.

"I was almost home Izzy. Almost home."

**Thanks for reading! Please comment if there's anything you think about this! This is my first real time writing something with the intention of finishing it! And first real multi-chapter piece on fanfiction (even though they are short chapters). Hope you liked it! 2 more parts to this to go!**


	4. I Want To Go Home

**Alright, third chapter! Now, this one turned out wayyyy longer than either of the previous chapters and has a lot more content besides Alec and Magnus, but that's just how this chapter was supposed to go. And when I say way longer, I mean it is over twice as long as one of the previous chapters. Anyways, I am rambling again. Hope you enjoy!**

_Please let me sleep now_

_I wanna go home_

_Yes, I want to make it back to him_

_I know I screwed it up_

_But I still love him so_

_Please let me sleep now_

I wanna go home

Alec painfully gasps for air as he breathes in less than he breathes out each time. He clenches his eyes shut as he tries to even his breathing out, even a little bit, so that he can get a little control and management over the pain. He hears a chuckle above him and then footsteps away before he could feel that he now was alone.

_Jonathan. _His name courses through Alec's head as he starts to refigure why Jonathan was there and what had just happened. _The battle between the Institute and Downworlders together against Sebastian and his amassed army…the fight…Jonathan found me. _

_*Flashback*_

_Jonathan, an evil devious twisted smirk plastered on his face, sauntered over to Alec. How Jonathan even found Alec amongst all this chaos around them was a mystery in itself-hell he lost Jace and Isabelle in this chaos, his parabatai and little sister! Though…he did not lose track of Magnus-even in this chaos he still knew where he was, just on the outside of his vision. But, that did not matter now for Jonathan was indeed walking straight to him, and with that look, nothing good is going to follow. Jonathan makes his was closer and stops just before Alec, coal black eyes locked on his icy blue ones. _

_Jonathan's smirk turned into a twisted smile before he spoke. _

_"You know Lightwood, I think we need a place a bit more private for our conversation and engagement, somewhere, not so crowded. Don't you think so?"_

_Alec, unsure of where this is headed, just stayed still. He tried to gauge Jonathan's reaction and what he planned on doing. Sebastian laughed again._

_"Oh come on now Lightwood. Come over and we will play. We are just going to go over to the side a bit to have some well needed room."_

_Reluctantly, Alec slightly nods. Jonathan smiles again, which is sets Alec off a little, and motioned with his hand to follow him as he started to walk to the side. Alec followed, and now they were alone. The battle was literally right next to them, but the fights seemed to have made an invisible boundary that they did not cross-or maybe Sebastian did that. Jonathan turned around to face Alec again and sat himself down on a large rock, and never broke eye contact with him. Alec stayed standing, and simply watched him, still on high alert but he did not know exactly what to do anymore. Without warning, Jonathan started talking._

_"Lightwood, before this battle started I decided on one thing, well on thing besides winning. I thought back to how the last battle had begun, what I had done, and I realized I wanted to connect the two battles. I wanted to connect them with a bond. I wanted to start off both glorious uprisings with a connection, and what better way than to connect my first kills of each battle."_

_Alec's eyes widen slightly as he had begun to see where Jonathan was going. _

_Connection, first kills, his first kill before had been…none other than Max. Connection, second kill, beginning of battle-_

_"And what better connection to have between the first kills then…" _

_Jonathan glanced as Alec, and before Alec had any time to react Jonathan no longer was on the rock. And Alec felt a sharp piercing pain. As he took it all in he felt the blade through his middle, felt the blood that poured from it, everything. _

_Connection, first kill, Max. Connection, second kill, Alec._

_Connection. The Lightwood brothers._

_Then he fell to the ground when Jonathan pulled the blade out from him. And he laid there gasping for breath-_

_*End Flashback*_

Alec lays there on his back, keeping slightly pressure over his abdomen. The warm blood, his blood, is constantly flowing over his hand and down his side. He slowly begins to hear the sounds of fighting becoming louder and louder.

_Guess Jonathan took down whatever he had up before. Over here I don't even think I could hear the battle before._ Alec thinks before wincing and taking several sharp breaths.

_No one is going to find me until this is all over. Just how he wants is I bet. For them to find me afterwards, just like we found Max. Not knowing he was dead, that he wasn't safe until he was long gone._ The pain stabs him again and he scrunches his eyes shut even tighter trying to deal with the pain.

His one hand moves down his side and searches in a pocket. Then he scoffs-as best as he can since the action causes his to cough again, only this time blood came up with it too.

_He took my stele out of my pocket to ensure there was no chance of survival. Though, I think he managed to knick some part of my lungs so even I did have it, no iratze can mend this kind of injury. Even if Jace were to put one on. _

Alec starts to give into the pain and begins to see dots and blackness flicker across his vision. The battle sounds like it is still raging on, but seems as if it was somewhere near a closing. It did not matter either way to him, for even if Jonathan loses, the damage will be done. The Lightwoods will have lost both of their sons to the same person. They will only have Isabelle and Jace left.

Alec's eyes starts to flutter and he feels a heavy weight upon himself and an insatiable desire to sleep.

_Sleep. Yes, sleep. When I sleep is the only time anything is right. When I sleep I can try to go home again, and this time I think I can make it. Yes, sleep._

Just then Alec hears a startling screams and a few yells. He groans, and shifts slightly for he was roused from an almost slumber. Shifting causes a slight wave of nausea and he coughs again, blood along with the air.

~Isabelle~

Isabelle looks around as the battle is beginning to come to a close at last. Surveying the Shadowhunters and Downworlders left. Yes, they lost many, but so far no one close to her is gone. She finds everyone in her family, but she is missing one. Frantically she starts whipping her head around and searching, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

_God no, please no._

After a moment she finds him. Laying on the ground, covered in blood, and seemingly unmoving. She screams.

She runs. She always thought she was a fast runner, but she runs faster than she ever had before. Just to get to her older brother. Lying in a pool of his own blood. She hears Jace, her parents, and other people shout and yell after she screamed and took off.

Earlier she wondered why Jace kept on touching the rune on his neck and whenever he had a moment was whipping his head looking for someone. He was looking for Alec. He felt something wrong through their parabatai rune and had tried to find him. But in that chaos no one could just find someone else easily.

Erasing all thought she finally got to him, and noticed he was still breathing, although it was slight. He was worse than she had thought. From a distance she could only see the red of blood. Now she can see the wound, and a bone chilling shiver rolls over her body.

~Alec~

He hears when she reaches him, how could he not from the loud gasp he heard. He felt her drop to her knees beside them as he hears some shuffling of what he assumes to be clothing. He has yet to open his eyes, they are still screwed shut.

"Al-Alec?"

For a brief moment he manages to flutter his eyes open and finds hers before clenching them shut as a new wave of pain hits him.

He feels her fumbling over him before it hits him what she is trying to do with her shaky hands. Gathering some strength he lightly raises his arm and stops her hands, and opens his eyes again.

"No Izzy."

"What? Alec no please-"

"No Isabelle."

"…"

"It won't do you any-" He stifles a groan as nausea hits again. "any good. An iratze won't work."

"Alec, we have to try somethi-"

"Izzy please, no."

"But…"

He could hear other sets of rushed footsteps rushing over to where they are. He has to get it out before anyone else can hear.

"Izzy, please. Just let me sleep okay."

"What?"

"Just let me sleep. I am so tired."

Izzy shifts closer and gently lifts Alec. He lets out a hiss of pain at the movement. She holds him lying on her lap.

"Alec, please no. God, no."

"Izzy,"

"I can't. I can't lose you too! It's all my fault again, if only I had not lost sight of you-"

"Isabelle no." Alec says as sternly as he can.

"Alec."

"Whatever you do, please. Don't let mom and dad know it was Jonathan."

"What?"

"And don't let Magnus know. Please don't let him know. Just tell him I got careless of something."

"Alec, why-"

The voices were even closer, almost right where they were.

"Izzy, please. I want to sleep. Just let me sleep."

Isabelle starts to softly cry.

"I want to sleep, I want to-to go home…"

Alec eyes slip shut, hiding his blue eyes that had started to fade. Isabelle lets out another loud cry.

_I want to go home._

And he thinks he can make it this time. After all, how else would he hear Magnus call out his name? And repeatedly like a mantra for that matter? There's no way he would call out for him unless Alec was sleeping, unless he finally made it home, and now he does not even have to worry about waking up. No he does not have to worry as he feels that all too familiar warmth flood his senses and body as it always did around Magnus. The warm, fuzzy, and almost electric feeling started around his midsection and buzzed through his whole body. Only one thought was still on his mind as he felt himself relax even more.

_I want to go home._

**Thanks for reading :) Hope you enjoyed and please review or comment. It would be nice to know if anyone likes this and thinks I am not doing as bad of a job as I think I am (I always have that feeling when I write). Now this originally was supposed to be where it ended. But, I had a change of heart when I started writing chapter one cause it was a little hanging, and kinda mean. So there is ONE more chapter to tell you what happens! Anyways, this is way too long as it is so I am ending it here. Again, thanks for reading and please review :)**


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